TV Misguidance

RANSOM-NOTE
TELEVISION
LISTINGS

Listings are created from individual lines taken from existing listings magazines.

Non-spliced humour? Try the Other Listings Magazine.

Concept:
Graham Sadler

Contributors:
Kevan Davis
Graham Sadler

Sources:
Guardian Guide
Guardian Unlimited
Radio Times
et al

(To join in, just submit a programme. But make sure you know what this site's about, first.)

       

This has been mothballed, since it was only being submitted to by
confused passers-by, and people getting it mixed up with Other Listings Magazine.

26th December 2001
15.00
GS
The Queen's Christmas World Her Majesty's annual adventure.
19.00
GS
Fort Braindead Teams of television and music personalities tackle the hazards of flesh-eating zombies.
21.05
GS
Only Fools and Evil The Trotter brothers return in a sinister world of demonic sadism.
1:00 Pages from Ceefax (S) 1:15 Open University : Librarians 1:35 Pages from Ceefax 1:55 Nightscreen (R) (S) (T) 2:00 Sport : Mug Golf (S) 2:30 Pages from Ceefax 3:00 Close (S) 4:00 News (S) (T) 5:00 Ivor the Engine

24th December 2001
17.30
GS
Scrapheap Songs of Praise The congregation of Southwell Minster are required to create a multi-purpose, all-terrain amphibious vehicle in just two days.
18.25
GS
Jim Davidson's Othello Modern adaptation of Shakespeare's tragedy starring S Club 7, Cannon and Ball and the characters from Rainbow.
19.15
GS
Dale's National Lottery Misfortunes Dale Winton is joined by Cher, Will Smith and unintentionally hilarious moments.
20.00
GS
I Love The Spanish Armada Britt Ekland continues the nostalgic look back at the massive Spanish invasion fleet.
20.35
KD
Happy Christmas Nightmare Rush Jimmy wonders if his dependence on medication makes you smaller... Starry peak.
21.00
GS
[FILM] Journey Through Our Little King and Monkeys Laurel and Hardy elope with a time-traveller from 2035 to save the world from a deadly English schoolteacher.
22.00
GS
Parkinson in Wonderland The king of chat falls into an oversized rabbit warren and emerges into a magical world.
23.30
KD
Dale's Christmas Men Dale Winton hosts a festive but fun musical Dickens outing special, meeting Will Smith and Martin Short.
23.30
GS
Invisible Christmas Midnight Mass Animation about a boy who wakes up to find an invisible candlelit service celebrating the First Mass of Christmas.
1:00 Sport : Nude Long-Distance Bare-Knuckle Wig Biking (R) (S) 2:00 Pages from Ceefax (S) (T) 2:10 Work Essentials : Algebra 3:00 Open University : Intermediate Cats Revision (S) (T) 4:00 The Clangers (S) 4:50 Close 5:00 Open University : Intermediate Toast (T)

23rd December 2001
16.30
GS
Ready Steady Sex A compilation of culinary out-takes, proving even the most professional television chefs can sometimes end up chasing the same woman.
17.35
GS
[FILM] Fact or TV A widowed television host tries to boost her ratings by pretending to have shipbuilding, science, history and a 90mph hailstorm complete with baseball-sized snowballs.
20.30
GS
Walking With Nigella Nigella Lawson prepares her favourite migrating mammoth herd.
21.00
GS
Trigger Happy Gardens Don Joly unleashes himself on unsuspecting townhouse gardens.
22.05
GS
Christmas Awards Coverage of the 45th annual ceremony, which honours the best festive season.
23.10
GS
You've Been Banzai Dance Spoof Japanese-style gameshow in which viewers dance with three camcorder calamities.
23.40
GS
All About The Dead Investigation into the Mary Rose disaster of 1545, when the ship mysteriously rose from a life of rural poverty to win awards at the Cannes Film Festival.
0:40 Ivor the Engine 1:00 News (R) 1:40 Sport : Outdoor Bed Golf from Hell (T) 2:00 Close 2:35 The Clangers (T) 3:00 Pages from Ceefax (S) (T) 4:00 Pages from Ceefax (T) 5:00 Nightscreen (S) 6:00 The Clangers (S)

21st December 2001
18.20
GS
Captain Scarlet and the People A new tank spins out of a First World War submarine.
20.00
GS
Who Wants To Be Horrible? Couples Partners put their heads together for another round of murdering a seriously ill patient with a morphine overdose.
20.30
GS
University Top Gear Britain's best selling roadster, the MGF, goes up against Durham University. Jeremy Paxman tests a Mini Cooper.
21.00
GS
The Battle of Family Jim faces a romantic path to potential ruin.
21.30
GS
Dr Terrible's Football Zone The final show in the series tells the shocking tale of Aston Villa v Ipswich Town.
1:00 News (T) 2:00 Local Weather (T) 3:00 The Clangers (T) 3:25 News 4:00 Ivor the Engine 5:00 Open University : Advanced Babies Revision 6:00 Pages from Ceefax (T)

20th December 2001
18.00
GS
Hollydale Geri shows what she's made of when planning a compromising situation, while Phil becomes personal.
18.45
GS
Star Trek: Animal Battle A tabby cat called Lizzy uses mind-control techniques to turn the crew against each other.
21.00
GS
A Touch of Deirdre Jack tackles what promises to be the most sensitive investigation of his career - deciding whether Coronation Street character Deirdre Rachid is capable of having sex with him in strange places.
1:00 Pobol y Cwm 1:15 Open University : Basic Worms (R) (T) 1:55 Pages from Ceefax 2:00 Pages from Ceefax 3:00 Ivor the Engine 4:00 Ivor the Engine (S) 4:35 Nightscreen (T) 5:00 Pages from Ceefax 6:00 Work Essentials : Nipples (S)

19th December 2001
15.30
GS
[FILM] Napalm Fever Attorney Jessica Lange desperately fights to clear her father's name when he is accused of sporting spectactular flares capable of starting fires at will.
20.00
GS
National Lottery Weapons Eamonn Holmes introduces the lottery-based problems of firearms on Britain's streets.
21.00
GS
[FILM] Tales of a School Drama about rising discontent at a boy's public school that escalates into an unconventional Nativity play in a crocodile-infested lagoon.
0:40 The Clangers (R) (T) 1:00 Weather 2:00 Sport : Long-Distance Bare-Knuckle Tadpole Cricket Live from Milton Keynes (T) 2:40 Nightscreen 3:00 Close (S) (T) 4:00 Learning Zone : Librarians Theory (S) 5:00 Nightscreen

16th December 2001
19.00
KD
You've Been History Lisa Riley presents camcorder people are 99.9% identical.
19.30
GS
Stone Age Comedy Jonathan Ross returns to host the methods used by Neolithic man.
20.00
KD
Loch Ness Snooker The team find a dinosaur-style beast lurking in the Barbican Centre in York. This and Steve Davis.
20.30
GS
The Science of the FBI Insight into how a co-ordinated law enforcement effort brought an end to a couple's hyper-efficient senses and skeletal structure.
21.00
KD
Robert Winston's Heartbeat of the Glen Tom auditions for Professor Robert Winston and it soon transpires that he has hands, as an undercover hack spies calamities.
1:00 Sport : World-Cup French Throwing Semi-Finals (S) 2:00 Pages from Ceefax 3:00 Pages from Ceefax 3:30 Weather (S) 4:00 Pobol y Cwm (R) (S) 5:00 Nightscreen (S) 6:00 News (T)

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(C) Various People 2001-2005